Before I talk about anything else at all, I feel I should comment on a line from yesterday’s hymn–the one that says, “Others will trust Him if only you prove true ev’ry moment you live.” Now, I love that hymn and sing it to myself often, but that line bothers me, because it basically says that you can only lead others to Christ if you are perfect and never ever slip up, and of course that goal is unattainable because we’re all still sinners and we all still sin. No human in all of history, except the one who was also God, can claim to have been “true” every moment of earthly life.
One of the best things about following Christ is that when we do fall, if we confess and repent, Christ lifts us back up and doesn’t hold our failures against us. No one would want to follow us into a life of faith if the choices are unattainable perfection or a ruined witness. I know in my life, some of the Christians I’ve most respected and learned from are the ones who acknowledged their mistakes, apologized for them, and learned from them–and who also offered limitless grace to others who stumbled and repented. I try desperately hard to be “true” every moment, but I often fail and when I do, I confess my failure to God, ask for forgiveness, and move on.
Yesterday was a recovery day for me. I felt pretty lousy when I woke up, but I rested all morning and by afternoon I was definitely on the upswing. Of course, I didn’t achieve a single one of my goals for the weekend, but at least I wasn’t still sick today!
Today we had a 4-H meeting after waking up to a very loud and heavy thunderstorm this morning. Jasper really loves 4-H and I somehow find myself getting more involved as time goes by, even though I still feel like I’m flying blind all the time! Looks like we may be doing another sewing event in the summer.
I’ve been going through my clothes and trying to be realistic about what I can or should keep so I can continue to whittle down my wardrobe to only the clothes that I really like and really wear. After all, in boarding school I was only allowed a total of 8 outfits–6 for everyday and 2 for Sunday!
I have also started writing two short stories in the last few days. There is a competition I would like to enter, just for the motivation, and none of my completed stories fits the guidelines, so I guess I just have to write something new!
Finally, in the interest of full disclosure, and because I know some of you value my honesty, I will say that today has been really hard and in fact I could use some prayer. It’s not one specific thing. It’s the accumulation of stress and sadness and anxiety over so many things that have happened one after the other in the last few weeks. Today during 4-H I was fighting back tears the whole time and after I got home I took refuge in my room and had a quiet meltdown. I need to take a deep breath, spend some time with God, and find my innate optimism again. I am SO glad the school year is almost over!