Blinded by the Sun

Today I did something that Lina did every day for the four years that she attended classes at East Texas Baptist University. I drove east into the sunrise this morning and returned home with the setting sun blinding me this evening. I couldn’t find my sunglasses so it was especially challenging.

I had timed my arrival at the campus this morning to be early enough to get a good parking space, and I got one! So much better than yesterday’s remote spot. Then I had plenty of time to get my schedule in the student center and spend some time planning out which classes I would attend. I even had time for a quick cup of tea from my thermos before heading upstairs to my first class.

The university has very strict rules about food and drink in the classrooms, which meant that I had to work really hard at staying awake during my first two classes. They were interesting, but not as inspiring as I’d hoped, so when the third period rolled around, and there weren’t any classes I particularly wanted to be in, I went back to the car and took a power nap until lunchtime.

When I went into lunch, there wasn’t really anyone that I knew well enough to sit with, so I made myself a salad (the only gluten-free option) and ate alone while reading the first part of a book written by one of my young friends. It was very enjoyable.

Things got a little better after lunch. After ingesting three different caffeinated beverages, I was more alert and all three of my afternoon classes were excellent and well worth my time.

I don’t know why I’m kind of in a funk about my writing. I was kind of hoping that this conference would inspire and motivate me to dive into writing with renewed vigor, but that didn’t happen. I kept thinking, ten years! Ten years I’ve been at this and I’m still a wannabe. *sigh* Of course, the flip side of that is how can I give up after investing ten years in something that I still believe I can do?

It’s kind of like driving into the sun. I can’t see the road ahead because the glare in my eyes keeps me from seeing anything except a few feet ahead. I keep driving and driving, but I don’t know if I’m getting any closer to my destination because I can’t see it.

This evening I had to have a cram practice session with my autoharp, and I’m still feeling a little doubtful about playing tomorrow. I guess I’ll just have to do the best I can.

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